An Investigation in Texting
by bloggingwriter
Summary: Sherlock and his experiments. John and his jam-rage. All combined with texting. Humourous one-shot, nothing too serious.


**A/N: Well hello again.**

**Here's what was originally a dialogue exercise between my friend and I, who were roleplaying as Sherlock (her) and John (me), texting back and forth. Italicized writing is John, and normal is Sherlock. Enjoy :D**

Bored.

_That's nice._

Still bored.

_Still nice._

What exactly are you so absorbed in?

_Take a wild guess._

Is it that woman?

_Yes, its that woman. Why do you care?_

I may join your company. Where are you?

_No. I'm out somewhere and I'm not telling you._

Mmm. You are aware that Apple has a "find my phone" app, right?

_Wonderful. I'll just turn my phone off._

It wasn't that hard to get into your account. Your password is that same as your email.

_Most people's are, Sherlock. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm very busy._

Mine isn't. You appear to be at that café on Dunwood.

_You're not most people. And how nice for you, but so help me God, if you come here, I'm shooting you in the foot so you won't walk anywhere for at least a month. I'm on a date._

How incredibly violent. Look, I'm shaking. Little jumpy, are we?

_Not at all. Just highly annoyed. And so's my date, what with all this texting._

That fact that you're still replying says something.

_If I didn't, you would text me incessantly._

Improbable. You're not that much of a conversationalist, why clamor for your attention? Its easy to get. Perhaps you're bored too.

_Because no one else will give you attention and this conversation is ending now because I am, in fact, not bored._

Preposterous. You could come back to the flat and I could be housing another few very short military hedgehogs, easily.

_Ha, right. Goodbye Sherlock._

_Sherlock?_

I'm busy.

_What was that noise?_

Nothing to worry about yet.

_Yet? Sherlock, what the hell are you doing?_

Research, John.

_What research, Sherlock?_

Biological. I had to entertain myself.

_Does it have anything to do with those eyeballs Donovan found in the microwave?_

Oh John, who do you trust more, Donovan or myself.

_That didn't answer my question. What in God's name is that smell?_

Science.

_Sherlock, remember that threat I made about your foot earlier? I very much meant it. Now answer my question. What. Are. You. Doing?_

You're inclined to violence today. Perhaps get Mrs. Hudson to make you a cup of tea or play around on your laptop before I reply.

_That's it. I'm coming down._

In your current state of frustration, that would be unwise.

_You have a five second head-start._

John…

_Four._

This is childish, John.

_One. I'm going to kill you._

I have several escape routes.

_Best use one then…_

_WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO OUR MICROWAVE?_

Got to go John. Cases to solve, people to see, milk to buy on the way home.

_SHERLOCK_

Goodbye, John.

John?

_WHAT?_

You're still upset.

_Of course I'm still upset you ass._

I've given you plenty of time to forgive me.

_Three hours Sherlock. Three hours would barely suffice to torture you then bury your dead body._

How much time does that average person need? I didn't light anything on fire this time, and the research was necessary.

_So far, that's the only thing you've got going for you. And it could be years, Sherlock. Years. But as long as I don't see your face for the next forty-eight hours, you should be safe._

…unfortunate.

_Why's this?_

Because we happen to live together.

_Well that's not my problem._

It is, really. How does one avoid someone else in the same flat for 48 hours?

_They stay in their room and starve themselves. You've done it before, you can do it again._

I would be hurt, John, if your over-hostility wasn't vaguely amusing.

_I highly doubt you'd fine a hole-y foot amusing._

I would, under the right circumstances.

_A) there are no right circumstances because B) the foot would be yours._

Hm. I suppose.

I am sorry about the microwave.

_That's a bit better. Maybe only twenty-four hours._

And the blender.

_What blender?_

Nothing.

_Sherlock…_

Where do we keep the all-purpose kitchen-cleaner?

_Soon, up your ass._

I'll see it its really 'all-purpose'

_I hope to God it is._

Ah! Another experiment!

_NO! You're banned from experiments for the next month._

It's a clean experiment.

_Its always meant to be clean, Sherlock, but light that bathroom linoleum on fire was suppose to be clean too._

If you look at it from a biologist's perspective, it did kill all the bacteria.

_Goodnight, Sherlock._


End file.
